The Story Of Aizawa's Afro
by KolKolKol
Summary: My theory of why Aizawa got his afro removed. Very, VERY weird and cracked out. Seriously, there is so much randomness in here. Mentions of pimps, etc. Rated to be safe.


**A/N: WARNING! DANGER! This was written at four in the morning, and it is about my theory of why Aizawa got his afro removed. It was a pimp. This is NOT my best writing, by any means, but it was just so utterly strange that I had to post it. **

**DISCLAIMER: I don't own Death Note. If I did, L and Light would be alive and fucking 24/7, and Misa would be dead. Oh, and Matsuda would have a pet monkey named Bill. Soichiro wouldn't have that stick eternally up his ass, either. Basically, everyone but Misa would be alive, and L and Light would be screwing in many kinky fashions. I need to stop talking...**

**NOTE: I understand what a pimp actually is. I don't take prostitution lightly, just so you all know. It isn't funny. This is just strange humor, not a crack at prostitution. So don't message me telling me off, saying how I shouldn't joke around about stuff like that. I'm not some idiot kid; I know what I'm talking about, and I'm not a person to make fun of something serious on a normal basis.**

THE ADVENTURES OF AIZAWA'S PIMPFRO OF MAGICAL PIMPNESS

Nobody ever expects inanimate objects to do much. Just what they were designed to do. A knife cuts people, a belt keeps your pants from falling off and mindraping small children, and a box holds pornos. And afros sit on your head like a basketball, sometimes making you look stupid. Other times not; sometimes you look like a badass, or a pimp. Or a badass pimp with a million bitches. Like Light is one of L's bitches, because L's a pimp. All L has to say is, "Come along, man-bitch," and Light just goes along like, well, a man-bitch.

Light + L + Come along, man-bitch = Light goes

Aizawa + his Afro + Come along, man-bitch = Aizawa goes

See? Sometimes, when you least expect it, inanimate objects do things. Sometimes they'll talk to people, which is usually passed off as schizophrenia, and the actually-sane people get carted off by the not-so-nice men with white coats, and they'll give them their very own coat that lets them hug themselves; other times they can walk around and murder puppies; and sometimes they're someone's pimp. Poor Aizawa was bitch to the pimp that was his afro.

Aizawa's afro was a pimp from the first time the man grew it. The second it could be classified as an afro, it latched onto the man's brain and told him to pimp-slap someone. Then, Aizawa had resisted. Now, he didn't dare to. He didn't dare resist when his afro told him to make it a sandwich. Though he did get some weird looks when he went around with a sandwich stuck to his hair. Excuse me, I meant Pimpfro - that was what Aizawa called it. Pimpfro. The Pimpfro didn't really have a name, apparently, so Aizawa made one up. Seriously, the man was more mentally screwed up than Matsuda, but Pimpfro wouldn't let him show it.

Because, see, not only was Aizawa's afro a pimp. It was also a zombie, because it slowly started to eat Aizawa's brain. And on top of that, it was also Kira. So one could supposedly call it a Zombie Kira Pimpfro. But that was too long, so Aizawa stuck with just Pimpfro.

For months now, L and the rest of the Task Force had been trying to find Kira. Light had several hissy fits over ridiculous things, and was quieted by his pimp, L. Every time L acted as a pimp, Pimpfro watched, learned, reciprocated. That was how it knew how to be a pimp: it watched L. Pimpfro believed that L would be flattered, were he to know that Aizawa's afro was learning from him. But no, just like everyone else besides Aizawa and Pimpfro, L thought that Pimpfro was just an afro. Foolish mortal.

Eventually, Pimpfro grew larger with his expanding pimp powers. The Task Force watched in awe and confusion. Some of them took to throwing things at Pimpfro, seeing if they'd get stuck. The record was four pencils and some crumpled-up important document. One of Pimpfro's powers was the pimpslap.

In one of L and Light's fights, Pimpfro had seen L execute a pimpslap. So Pimpfro practiced by pimpslapping Aizawa. The Task Force was now completely used to when he would randomly jump or yelp every so often. And over time, L began to suspect the afro of being something other than an afro.

L would watch as every so often, Pimpfro moved. Or how Aizawa would walk by with sandwich crumbs inexplicably on his head. How there was once a gold chain stuck in there, that one time. And how there would be pencils and lined paper that were also stuck in Pimpfro, but they weren't the products of Task Force boredom. That was why L was the World's Greatest Detective: because everyone's a suspect. Even afros.

Over time, L stopped including Aizawa in Task Force meetings. Pimpfro rarely noticed; he was too busy being a pimp. Though he did often miss seeing his unknowing instructor, Pimpfro figured he had a pretty good handle on the pimping business by now.

Until one day, when Aizawa stumbled into work, half the Task Force leaped on him and pinned him to the ground. L was standing to the side, holding a gigantic axe. Zombie-like, Aizawa tried to defend Pimpfro, claiming it was just an afro. Upon hearing this, the Task Force got to see Pimpfro form a hand and pimpslap Aizawa for that outrage. That was about the time L chopped it off.

When Pimpfro no longer had control of his brain anymore, Aizawa returned to normal. L sent the now-dead Pimpfro off to be tested - after telling anyone who would listen (and those who wouldn't) about Pimpfro being Kira.

A few weeks later, the Task Force got a manila envelope mailed to them with CONFIDENTIAL stamped across the front. Inside were sheets upon sheets of paper from Pimpfro's testing. The lab finally killed it by setting it on fire. People all across the globe were warned to watch out for loved ones with afros.

The moral, Aizawa concluded, was to be careful in case of Zombie Kira Pimpfros.

And that is why Aizawa got his afro removed. So not if anyone asks, you can reply, "It was a zombie-Kira-pimp."

**A/N: ...**

**There are some things that can't be unseen. I know. I'm sorry. I think this was one of them. **

**I also wasn't making fun of schizophrenia, either. I know how horrible it is, so don't bash me for it; the horse is dead, you don't need to beat it.  
**

**Please don't kill me for the randomness; in one of the ANs of my story, I said that Aizawa's afro should have magical powers. One of my reviewers said that it'd be awesome, which was odd, because I wasn't serious. But I decided to write this anyway. So here it is. :)  
**


End file.
